Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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