Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so let's talk penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
