I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Less talking, more tequila
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ok first of all what the fuck
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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