spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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