I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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