like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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