If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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