She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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