Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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