I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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