i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
