im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
