They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
