I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
