the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
