I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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