hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
