Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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