Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Randomize
