have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
