We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
