Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
