I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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