i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
