Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well I just put wine in my tea
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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