Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize