I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
