Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize