Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize