Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
