It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
