I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
