And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
