hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
