u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have fence marks all over my body
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
