is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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