currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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