is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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