he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
