you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
