He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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