i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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