I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
