Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
