OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
