As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
