I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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