Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
