think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
