That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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