when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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