You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
