I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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