My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
