My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
