they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
