i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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