at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
