ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
