I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
