I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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