umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
