mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
