You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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