i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
