i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
