Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
