He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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