Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
