Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
