I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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