Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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