im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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