Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
