I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
