Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
