Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
