At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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