Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
