I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
