you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just pee around me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
