Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize