I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
