I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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